sitting in front of the computer for around ten hours a day,
and rotting the rest of my teenage years away.
I don't know if I am feeling... down, because of my inactivity.
Perhaps its the fact that my heart wants a relationship, but at the same time do not want to feel the pain from the inevitable end. Even if I see a relationship bloom, I cannot bare the pain if I suddenly lost a girl, from a break up, or from death. I wouldn't even forgive myself if death caught me early, that the girl will have to suffer because of my parting.
I feel that it is a personal choice for everyone. For now, I am pretty sure that I want to stay single. I don't like getting myself into something I do not understand, as trouble tends to find me.
It might also be the fact that I know already that there is not enough of a lifetime before I die.
Before we all die.
"Life is short, live every minute of it"
A saying that is supposed to be extremely motivational for people....
It has become a curse for me.
I never had much of a childhood, wasted every opportunity I was given,
made myself believe that something was an opportunity,
which had wasted two years in which I could have gotten into a relationship.
After that, I was given numerous other opportunities in which I messed up as well.
When I was given the opportunity to have a better education in a private school, I threw it all away by screwing around and not concentrating in class.
Even writing this now, I wonder to myself if there will be enough time for me to earn the money...
Enough time for me to travel... Get away from the nightmares....
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